Guys Jokes

What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
A soda can, a gas tank and the Greek god Eros walked into a bar?
The bartender shook his head, “Here comes trouble.” A patron at the bar said, “What’s wrong?” The bartender replied, “Those guys get together and they become cantankeros.”
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Full Permission
Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years. A few days before the group’s annual departure date, John’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. John’s fishing buddies are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do? Two days later the three get to the camping site to find John sitting there with his tent set up, firewood gathered, dinner cooking on the fire, and drinking a cold beer. “Heck John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?” “Well, I’ve been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my recliner when my wife came up behind me, put her hands over my eyes, and asked, “Guess who?” I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom, where she’d lit candles and put rose petals all over the place, looked like something out of a movie. Well, she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey or something. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, ‘Honey, you can do whatever you want.’ So, boys, here I am!”
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
The Worst Way to Win
Three older gentlemen sat down at the park for a conversation. "There's no worse age than 70," says the youngest, "You always feel like you have to pee, and most of the time you try and try and nothing comes out!" "That's nothing," said the 80-year-old, "80 is a much worse age. You can't even do your business anymore. You take laxatives then sit on the toilet for hours waiting for something to come out!" "Actually," said the oldest one, "90 is the worst age of all!" "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 70-year-old. "Not really. I pee every morning like clockwork at 6:00am." "Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 80-year-old. "Not at all, I do my business every day promptly at 6:30am." The 70-year-old looked at him funny. "Let me get this straight, you pee at 6am and you crap at 6:30am? So what's the problem?" "I don't get up until 7:00."
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".