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Figure Jokes

Corona Virus Jokes
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
Hair Puns
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Head Puns
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Family Puns
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
Dad Puns
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
Blood Puns
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Sky Puns
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Tableware Puns
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Wifi Puns
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
Spouse Puns
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
Bathroom Puns
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Vaccine Puns
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Italy Puns
Why does it take so long for the EU to figure out how much Italy owes them every year?
Hey, ease up. Rome wasn't billed in a day.
Orange Puns
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Funny Parenting Quotes
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr