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Count Jokes

Funny Animal Quotes
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”

- Phil Pastoret.
Monster Puns
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
Water Sports Pick Up Lines
Call me the pace clock, cause you sure can count on me.
Are You Pick Up Lines
Are you the Count Dracula? When you stared at me, my heart stopped.
Ancient Rome Puns
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
That's What You Get For Speeding
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner. The guy looked really down, so to cheer him up a bit he said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," came the gloomy answer from the cell. "I'm the groom."
Friendship Quotes
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
Funny Money Quotes
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
Funny Birthday Poems
What is age, but something to count?
Some people fight it, like climbing a mount.
I choose to live, with dignity and grace,
And offer a drink, to all in this place.

(Julie Hebert)
Yoga Pick Up Lines
I'm a gymnast, so if you're down for some mattress yoga, count me in!
Space Pick Up Lines
You can count on the stars, but you can’t ever count on how much I miss you.