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Club Jokes

Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
Oral Hygiene Puns
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Chess Puns
I left chess club early this week.
I was just so board.
Monster Puns
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
Seal Puns
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
Brain Puns
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Spotify Pick Up Lines
Has Spotify contacted you yet? Because you are the hottest single in this club.
Little Johnny Describes His Future
A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best girl with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her 3 times a day." The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of this child, decides not to linger on what he said and so continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? What do you want to be?" she asks. "I wanna be Johnny's wife!" Says Susie.
Baseball Pick Up Lines
Are you accepting applications for your fan club? I'd love to join.
Onion Puns
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
A Night With a Russian
A lovely Russian lady came up to me at the mall and said "Please, I am looking for a one night stand." I had the shop shut up and the door locked before you could say Billybob, and we went to a bar for a couple of aperitifs, a nice restaurant, a club I know where they have a good floorshow, and then I took that lovely lady home and, being a gentleman, I will draw the veil of discretion over what followed. As the sun peeped over the windowsill, I smiled sweetly at her sleepy face and said "So how was that?" "Was wonderful," she said, "but I still have no place to put bedside lamp."
Hair Puns
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Clever Jokes
The first rule of Tautology club is the first rule of Tautology club.
Zombie Puns
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Are you the one who signed up for the pee club?
Because if so, urine.