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Closest Jokes

Toilet Paper Puns
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Food Quotes
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
Funny Marriage Quotes
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
Funny Work Quotes
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​” — Stanley J. Randall
Jokes For Women
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
Water Puns
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
Ancient Rome Puns
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Mummy Puns
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."