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Check Jokes

Ear Puns
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Funny Money Quotes
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
Color Puns
If you live in a purple-colored house and suddenly all the power goes off, then you should probably check the fuchsia box.
Flight Puns
Did you hear about the vultures who went to check-in for their flight at the airport? When the check-in agent asked them if they had any luggage to check, they replied, no we just have carri-on.
Nuts Puns
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Nature Puns
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
Kangaroo Puns
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
Mummy Puns
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Computer Puns
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Yard Puns
A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"
Inheritance Confessions
An arrogant, rich man passed away one day In his will, he entrusted $100,000 in cash to each of his closest advisers: his accountant, his doctor, and his lawyer. In his will, he instructed that each of them was to put all of the money into an envelope and place it into his coffin at his funeral, so he could have his money even after death. On the day of the funeral, each of his advisers came with a large envelope and each, in turn, placed it in the wealthy man's open casket. At the end of the funeral, when the man was buried, each of the advisers walked away from the cemetery together. The accountant said to the other two "I must confess, I didn't put all of the money in. I kept $20,000 for myself and only put in $80,000." The doctor responded "I should be honest too. I kept $30,000 for myself and only put in $70,000." The lawyer looked at the other two with disdain and said "I'm ashamed of both of you. Our client instructed us to put in $100,000 each into his casket, and I'll have you know I put in a check for the full amount!"
Cycling Pick Up Lines
You like curling? Check out me curling my biceps!
Monster Puns
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Canadian Pick Up Lines
Ya gotta check it out. My water bed is full of beer.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
I don't care *how* many items you've got, baby, I could check you out all day long!