Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM