A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.