What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
The superconductor left without resistance.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it