What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare