What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial