What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time