Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
To get to the other tide.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!