I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm