What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.