Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
The superconductor left without resistance.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"