What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
The sun is just a big space heater.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.