Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.