What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.