A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.