What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Air resistance is a real drag.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.