What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman