I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.