The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.