Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.