Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"