Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.