What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.