History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.