The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.