The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!