I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!