Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
