What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
To get to the other tide.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
