Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.