Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.