Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.