Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
To get to the other tide.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.