What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.