What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece