We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm