I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.