Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.