What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
The sun is just a big space heater.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.