To get to the other tide.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?