When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
