How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.