Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Do you find bone puns humerus?
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.