She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
