Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.