What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones