What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.