Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.