Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.