Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
All stereos are so typical.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.