What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now